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Ask
for Help
It is interesting that Adigha ethics is very
sensitive even to such things as the way to ask
for something.
According to Adigha norms, if one wants to find
out right hour or way from a stranger he/she
should wait till he/she meet some younger person.
It wasn't good to bother older people with one's
trifles.
Also it is not good to ask older person to come
closer to tell him/her something. Therefore, there
are simply no words in Adighe ethics for those
situations.
Here is what one should do when there is a
necessity to ask an older person for something:
Go to this person and greet him and ask about his
well-being. If he/she was sitting and now tries to
get up, you should softly keep him/her from doing
it. After the greeting you should tell the reason
of your coming.
If the older person is not sitting but going
somewhere, you shouldn't call him from afar but
try to catch him, walk along with him on the left
side of his. Only after he pays attention to you,
tell him what you need.
Older people are very sensitive to the respect
younger generations pay to them. Showing respect,
younger people should also show their sincerity.
If elders notice that one's attention is a mere
observance of the accepted norms they will not
accept your help or attention as they should.
Referrals
In Adigha language there are no referrals such as
Lady, Mister, Miss. There are references according
to people's age and sex.
For example, talking to the stranger girls and
boys we say "Si sh'ale" Si H'ijebz tsiq" , "Si
dahe" ("My boy", "My girl", "My beauty").
Referring to old people (strangers or not related)
Adigha people could use "Di ade" and "Di ane" ("Our
father" and "Our mother").
With real grandfathers and grandmothers we could
use such forms as "Si nane" , "Si dade" or even
"Si nane dahe" (My good nana), "Si nane dishe" (My
golden nana), "Si nane Gupse" (My nana, who is the
soul of my heart")
The reason why Adighe people put so much
tenderness in these referrals is to get the
positive reaction from the other person.
This often may help the situation.
For example, imagine one little boy, who had just
fought with other guys on the street using
inappropriate language. A strange woman, unaware
of what has just happened calls him by saying: "
Mide qakuwot, si sh'ale tsiq, wi tzer qiz-zheat."
("Come hear my little boy, tell me your name.")
Sure enough, this little boy is going to feel the
pangs of conscious for his previous behavior...
This is how Adigha people used kind words to
nurture the best qualities and limit the negative
ones.
Guests
Adighas along with a house for a family would
build a smaller one called Hashash, which means- a
house for a guest. Thus, anyone who needs a
shelter for a night would be welcome at any time,
without any significant discomfort to the family
as well.
Guests have been differentiated and welcomed
accordingly to their category.
Common Guest-the unknown person.
Dear Guest-a known person, a dear friend.
Close Guest-any relative and ALL females
regardless of acquaintance, which means they would
stay in the house of the family, not in Hashash.
Circassian host does not ask the guest for how
long he is intended to stay, apparently not to
make him think he is unwelcome. Yet these things
are need to be known and there were several others
way to find it out without asking directly.
In the past this is one of the ways how it used to
be done: the guest entering the house should hang
his whip. If the loose end of the whip is hanging
down long, his staying is going to be long (but
usually, no more than three days) and thus welcome
preparations can be more time-consuming. If the
loose end of the whip is hanging short, the
hostess should hurry up and pick the less time
consuming recipes for meal preparation.
Leading the guest inside, the host should go first.
The guest should not be treated along. If there
are any other members of the family or neighbors
of his gender and age, they should join him in him
meal.
If there is a group of guests, the host should not
assign their sets himself but leave this right to
the oldest guest because he is better aware of the
status of each group member. The seats are
assigned strictly according to the status and the
age of each guest. (the same with family members).
Oldest guests and nobles (regardless of age) are
assigned seats in the head of the table or in the
middle. (See Adigha Habza and a Place Assignments)
At the times Adighas traveled on horseback, if the
guest were pleased with the way he was given a
welcome, mounting his house he would turn its head
in direction of the house. If he was not pleased
and wanted to make it clear, he would turn the
horse in the opposite direction. To demonstrate
hunger was inappropriate, Adigha man would not be
misunderstood if he prefers to prove the absence
of it (in proper occasions) by not touching
something of what he was offered.
Not to disturb guests with plates changing process,
Adighas used to change tables (ane- small tables).
Nobody should leave the table until the oldest
guest (or the one who was assigned the privileged
seat) stands up or without his permission.
Guest members are assigned a right to speak to the
group at the table by the oldest guest (thamada)
according to the age and the origin of each member.
Place Assignment
By the way (order) Adighas sit, stand or walk
together, it was possible to tell the age or the
position of each group member.
Of the two people, the older one (or a noble, a
guest) is supposed to be on the right from the
younger one.
Of the three people, the oldest one is in the
middle, the younger is on the left, and the
youngest takes the right side of the oldest one.
If the one of the three had been a female, she was
entitled to stand in the middle regardless of her
age (today, mostly, Adighas do pay attention to
the age of the female; she is the middle if her
age allows her that).
If the one of the three is a male, he is in the
middle, the females take places according to their
age (look above).
If a female stands on the left side from a male,
that means nobody (even a noble or a guest, though
there are many exceptions for them in other cases)
is entitled to approach her to laugh and talk (usually
it is a place of a wife).
If the female is on the right side of a male, that
means she is a sister, a daughter, or in any other
relationship with a man that does not ban other
males approach and freely talk to her.
Married female, regardless of her age is of a
higher position than an unmarried girl.
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